The Year of Naked Penance Chapters 1-3

I'm glad to say that I got around to publishing my latest novel on nudity, this one being sort of a little bit of a satire dystopian story where people are sentenced to being naked in public as a form of punishment for criminal offenses. I still have that one post apocalyptic CFNM novel (it sounds really nice when you say it doesn't it?!) and a second volume of naked stories as big as the first one, but other than that I'm all caught up with publishing the stuff I have already written under this particular pseudonym.
When I went to check the link to my book it didn't really show a product description for the paperback edition, but I sent them a notice about that and hopefully they will end up correcting that, as I have had that problem previously, so maybe it just doesn't post right away, even though it seems to post for the Kindle edition perfectly fine.
But anyway enjoy this preview of the first three chapters of The Year of Naked Penance! And maybe it was a particularly good thing to publish for pride month because this novel has a lesbian couple and a character struggling with his own homophobia due to all of the members of the same sex who are seeing him naked.
-The Year of Naked Penance Paperback – June 29, 2023
by Arthur Pemmington (Author)
A humorous and absurdist satire on crime and punishment with an embarrassing erotic nudity twist! Set in a world where new laws punish criminals by sentencing them to stretches of time where they are forced to be naked in public as a way of shaming them into reforming their ways. Ronald was a person who always found it entertaining to see naked criminals being embarrassed in public, at least when they were hot and female, even though to his disappointment most of the naked criminals sentenced to nudity were men. After getting drunk and foolishly groping a naked woman on the streets he finds himself on the receiving end when he is sentenced to time in prison and to a year of public nudity as an additional punishment when he gets out of prison.
As Ronald spends the year naked, finding himself embarrassed and humiliated on a daily basis from being naked in public, he eventually starts to associate with other people who have been sentenced to nudity, shunned as outcasts and subject to ridicule on the fringes of society, and begins a relationship with a woman who is likewise forced to go naked. Over the coming year he will learn a lot about himself, find some of his homophobic attitudes challenged, as well as causing him to re-examine his relationships with the opposite sex and society's relationships with nudity, but will it cause him to reform his old ways or will he just go back to being the same old person that he was before?
Print length
130 pages
Language
English
Publication date
June 29, 2023
Dimensions
6 x 0.3 x 9 inches
ISBN-13
979-8850373429
Product details
    ASIN ‏ : ‎ B0C9RWW2SQ
    Publisher ‏ : ‎ Independently published (June 29, 2023)
    Language ‏ : ‎ English
    Paperback ‏ : ‎ 130 pages
    ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 979-8850373429
    Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 9 ounces
    Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.3 x 9 inches
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0C9RWW2SQ

The Year of Naked Penance
1
Ronald was walking down the street with his friends Carl and Eric and as they looked around they could see several naked men were walking up and down the streets.
    "The thing that sucks about 90% of crimes being committed by men is that 90% of the people you see walking around naked are men," Ronald said as he shook his head.
    Ronald was of course referring to the new laws, new laws that he never thought in a million years would pass, and he couldn't believe that they actually were laws. They were new laws on the book, perhaps one of the single craziest laws in terms of creative sentencing that he had ever heard of, where now not only were criminals sentenced to pay fines or face prison time, now they were sentenced to be naked for the duration of their sentence.
    A lot of people thought that that was letting criminals off lightly. Of course this mostly applied to criminals who were guilty of nonviolent offenses or things that wouldn't result in prison time. However many started serving their sentences after they got out of prison, and others ended up having the sentence imposed on them in lieu of prisons or in addition to fines, but it was seen as an additional penance, a way of allowing criminals to be identified easily and also a way of publicly shaming them for their crimes.
    "Craziest fucking law on the planet," Carl said. "Only in California!"
    Ronald thought that Carl had a pretty good point, it was easier to impose a sentence like that on somebody in a place where it's warm pretty much all of the time, a law like that would never end up flying in a place like Alaska for example.
    "Well it's true you can see that they aren't concealing any weapons unless they have a really cavernous ass," Eric said as the three of them laughed. That was another line of reasoning behind the law, if a criminal was forced to be exposed and naked all the time it was harder for them to hide a weapon.
    "You know it's pretty funny but it would be a lot better if this sentence were imposed on more women, I think that they are reluctant to impose it on women, double standard," Ronald said. Many courts wouldn't sentence a woman to the additional penance of public nudity, seeing as that often resulted in a lot of harassment and sexual assault in many cases, but once again he thought it was a double standard, seeing as nobody seemed to care if people were molesting or harassing men.
    "Yeah it seems like you never see any interesting women walking around buck naked," Carl said. "Would you date one of the women sentenced to public nudity?"
    "It depends on if she is hot," Eric said as the three of them laughed. "Like would I date a jailbird or a criminal if it meant that I got to parade them around naked all the time, sure, that would actually be pretty cool."
    Carl laughed. "Yeah, you talk a big game as the big man around campus parading around with a woman on your arm, then she turns out being a serial killer or something like that and murders you."
    "You guys know that they don't impose this law on serial killers, they obviously aren't going to let a serial killer out in the public," Ronald said. "Now if you see people trotting about naked you know that they are low class criminals, people who don't have any really major crimes for the most part. And once again most of the crime is committed by men, so nice for a bunch of horny women out there but does little for us."
    "So what are you loser perverts doing, standing around all day looking for naked lady criminals," Andrea said as she strutted over smiling.
    "Hey don't pretend that you are not looking at some of the men, you get a lot more to look at than we do," Eric said.
    Andrea smiled. "Well I never said it was a crime to look, that's the whole point. And hey a lot of those guys who worked out in prison are really ripped and everything, so a lot of these criminals that you see walking around naked have pretty good bodies."
    One man who was walking around naked with lots of tattoos passed them by on the street as Andrea put her fingers in her mouth and began whistling at the man, who sort of looked in her direction and then turned away looking rather embarrassed.
    "Hey didn't you say that it was gross for guys to catcall women on the street," Ronald said.
    "Indeed it is, but that doesn't look like a woman now does it," Andrea said.
    "Double standard," Ronald and Andrea said at the same time shaking their heads.
    "Hey it's different, these people are criminals, so by embarrassing them I think we are doing our civic duty," Andrea said.
    "You know not all naked people are criminals, you know it's now legal for people to be naked without being criminals, although most don't want to do that because of the stigma," Eric said.
    "Yeah but with all those tattoos I think that the guy probably was a prisoner," Carl said.
    "I didn't see any gang tattoos on him, not that I was taking a close look or anything," Ronald said looking away as the guys sort of snickered in their homophobic way. "Anyway he probably wasn't part of a gang or the Aryan brotherhood or anything like that. So Andrea do you think you would actually get involved with somebody who was in prison?"
    "Depends on whether they are hot and what they were in prison for," Andrea said. "There's something kind of bad ass about being a criminal, as long as it's not for something extremely horrible."
    "So you wouldn't date a serial killer then," Ronald said. "You know you are rather picky!"
    "Well you know what they say, women tend to be more choosy about selecting their mates, probably cause so many guys are assholes, you on the other hand, you see someone who's even mildly attractive who will give you the time of day and it's pretty much fulfilled your standards," Andrea said.
    "Your point?" Ronald said as all of the guys began laughing. Their laughter however was interrupted when they all suddenly saw it at the same moment, right across the street it was like a vision sent from heaven, a completely naked woman with a smoking hot body walking down the street. They could see that every other man in the general vicinity was also turning to look at her, one man practically walking into a pole because he wasn't looking where he was going.
    "It's a woman," Carl said.
    "A naked woman," Eric said.
    "A really hot naked woman," Ronald said as he and the other guys continued staring and were practically drooling. She had unblemished skin, long brunette hair cascading pretty much down to her ass, perhaps in an effort to hide her nudity, as a lot of women sentenced to public nudity ended up growing their hair long for that particular reason. She looked as though she was rather skinny, not quite malnourished, but supermodel thin.
    "You guys are hopeless, in fact with women like that around I am sure that she will probably be causing lots of traffic accidents," Andrea said.
    They watched as she went into the supermarket and the guys quickly started crossing the street as Andrea rolled her eyes and reluctantly followed behind them.
    "You guys are stalking her now?" Andrea said.
    "No, I just felt it was a good time to check out the supermarket," Ronald said as Carl and Eric nodded and smiled. In fact they could see a lot of people were suddenly coming into the supermarket at that moment right behind them. Whoever that woman is she was definitely getting a lot of attention for the supermarket, they should probably give her some kind of a tip, not that she would have a pocket anywhere for it, although she did appear to be carrying a purse, which under the new laws isn't considered clothing as long as you don't use it to conceal your body in a really obvious way.
    "You guys are such perverts, I mean I'll take a glance at a guy when he walks down the street but I'm not going to follow him and become a stalker," Andrea said. "You should really leave that poor girl alone. Just because she's a criminal doesn't mean you have to make her life a living hell."
    They walked into the aisle where they could see the woman pushing the shopping cart in front of her in a way that might hopefully conceal her front area, even though everyone could still get a nice glance of her perfect shapely tight ass.
    "This is just pathetic," Andrea said feeling like maybe she should say something to the woman. She looked rather young, probably in her 20s, not much older than them.
    As the woman pushed her shopping cart up and down the aisle she could see that all of the eyes of the men in the store were directly on her. She was obviously blushing, and she looked as though this was a new experience for her as she looked down and kept her eyes downcast, probably afraid to make eye contact with anybody, probably too humiliated about her situation.
    "You guys really are pigs," Andrea said as she shook her head once again before shrugging her shoulders and reluctantly going over to the woman. "Hey do you need help with anything? I'm Andrea by the way."
    "Nancy," the woman said, still not making eye contact and looking rather embarrassed over the fact that another woman had approached her.
    "Look I realize that this is probably embarrassing for you, is this a new situation for you, I mean being naked, you don't look as though you are a recreational nudist," Andrea said laughing.
    "I've been out once or twice before," Nancy said.
    "Well guys are all pigs and perverts, but I mean I guess you'll get used to it eventually, how long are you supposed to be naked for?"
    "A year," Nancy said in a very hushed tone, still looking down not wanting to make eye contact and folding her hands across her breasts.
    "Well a year is not so bad," Andrea said, admittedly starting to feel awkward herself. She knew that the guys were going to say that she was a lesbian for going over to a naked woman like that, but she hated to see anybody treated badly, even a criminal like that. Sure she would whistle and holler at the guys who were criminals, but this woman, whoever she was, hardly looked like a hardened criminal.
    "Hey Andrea, who's your friend," Ronald said as he and the other guy started coming over with big smirks on their faces and trying to hide the bulges in their pants.
    "This is Nancy, I think maybe she needs some help with her groceries," Andrea said.
    "Well if you don't have any pocket change since you don't have any pockets maybe I can loan you some money," Ronald said, but Andrea knew that he wasn't doing it out of the goodness of his heart, he was just doing it as an excuse to be around a naked woman like that.
    Andrea looked off in the distance and she could see several people holding up their camera phones, not missing out on an opportunity to photograph a beautiful naked woman like that. That was another problem with this new creative sentencing, even once your sentence was over the number of people who probably captured you on their phones and uploaded pictures of you to the Internet were probably large in number, and there were probably plenty of pictures of everybody who had even a short sentence of public nudity out there. Once you are out there on the Internet you were out there basically forever. Maybe it wouldn't be the same as being seen naked in person in public like that, but anyone who wanted to find a picture of you probably wouldn't have to look very hard.
    Andrea shuddered. The idea of thousands of people out there on the Internet having pictures of her naked was sort of a really creepy thought. She thought that there was something really perverse about the idea of this new law, she could really understand that the idea was to shame people, but it certainly seemed like it was a little bit cruel, that was just going to invite trouble, that it was quite honestly rather cruel and unusual.
    "I think I need toilet paper," Nancy said, suddenly interrupting the conversation still in a very hushed tone as though she weren't used to talking to people under the circumstances.
    Ronald took a look at her ass while she was saying that, and he had to admit that now he was picturing what she would look like on the toilet. He had never really thought about what a woman would look like on a toilet sitting around naked, but something about Nancy sitting on the toilet naked was suddenly very appealing to him, and he had to admit that that was making it even harder to control himself as he started trying to mentally talk down an erection by picturing some of the unattractive naked men that he had seen earlier in the day, and luckily that seemed to be doing the trick.
    "I think toilet paper is down this aisle," Eric said as the four of them walked alongside Nancy and escorted her down the aisle where she found the toilet paper that she was looking for. Ronald had the weird thought that if she was naked all the time she must have to do a very special good job of trying to wipe herself so that it wouldn't be obvious if she had done an inadequate job, which he thought was a weird thing that you never would think of until you realize the implications of being naked in public all the time like that.
    As Andrea could see that all of the guys were practically drooling around Nancy, she could see that many of the women in the store were looking at her differently, shaking their heads in disapproval. Why did women often treat each other like crap like that when they should all be in solidarity?
    In fact she even thought of the fact that the woman who had campaigned for and gotten the law passed was actually a woman herself, and she wondered what the thoughts were behind that. Did she realize that other women were going to be stuck naked? Obviously she must have, or maybe she was just a pervert herself, liking the idea of all of those male criminals walking around naked and ashamed.
    She also felt that perhaps it was unfair to actual nudists who wanted to go around naked recreationally. People would see them and automatically assume that they were criminals when they just wanted to celebrate body positivity and freedom. In fact you could tell that the majority of people in public were not enthusiastic exhibitionists and nudists, most of them would walk with their heads down trying to avoid people as much as possible, in that regard perhaps it was serving its intended purpose, public shaming and humiliation.
    She still didn't really feel it was right, and looking at Nancy she couldn't imagine what this rather delicate looking woman had done to warrant such a sentence.
    Once Nancy had gone up and down the aisles, with the guys perving over her the entire time, it was time for her to get in line, and Andrea could see that she was looking rather uncomfortable standing in line with everybody staring at her. In fact pretty much every man in every other shopping line was looking directly over at her as the only woman naked in the entire store. She doubted that they were wondering what crime she committed, they probably didn't really care.
    "Let me get that for you," Andrea said as she helped Nancy to pay for her purchase. Nancy once again looked embarrassed but suddenly hugged Andrea and patted her on the back.
    "Thank you," Nancy said as she quickly picked up her bags, holding them in front of herself and began walking out of the store.
    "It figures out of all of us the one who got some actual action was Andrea, you crazy Dyke," Ronald said laughing.
    "I'm bi curious at best, you homophobic perv," Andrea said as they walked out but Nancy had already disappeared.
    "One of us should've tried getting her number," Carl said.
    "Yeah but where would she keep it, she wasn't wearing any pockets on her birthday suit," Eric said as the guys all laughed and figured that that would probably be the last they saw of Nancy.

    However as soon as Ronald got home he immediately went on his favorite website, candid images of local naked people captured and uploaded to the Internet for everybody to see. He figured that there had to be some footage of Nancy, she was like a goddess descended from heaven, he figured if anybody had pictures of themselves out there that it was probably her.
    When Ronald finally found a picture of her and her perfect ass he immediately started saving the picture, and then weirdly enough found himself masturbating to the thought of her sitting on the toilet.
    "Seeing a woman with a nice ass buying toilet paper does weird things to a guy," Ronald said right before he lay down and went to sleep where he had no doubt his dreams would be haunted by Nancy.

2
Ronald found that that night he did have all sorts of erotic dreams about Nancy; she was like a vision sent from heaven, his own personal goddess. Unfortunately he didn't learn her last name or any type of contact information. If he was honest with himself she probably wasn't all that interested in him in the same way that he was in her, the way any guy would be interested in a beautiful naked woman.
    When he woke up he went to his computer and he took the images of Nancy that somebody had uploaded to the local page and started doing an image search but didn't find any social media profiles or anything like that. He didn't actually find that all that surprising, if you were going around naked in public you probably wouldn't want to be posting pictures of yourself to social media, and he could see that Nancy was definitely the bashful sort, so it must have been especially difficult for her to be in a situation like that.
    Ronald really wondered what kind of crime that she had committed that had gotten her sentenced to a year of nudity like that. One year didn't seem like that long, but it also wasn't entirely short. Of course some people who got minor sentences of prison time would have more extensive time being naked. Being naked was legally seen as being sort of a minor punishment on top of everything else, even though he thought that it would actually be probably pretty brutal, especially if you were shy like Nancy was.
    He thought maybe he should be more sympathetic towards her because he was actually quite bashful himself, certainly he wouldn't go around parading around naked in public like some exhibitionist, not just because he didn't want people to think he might be a criminal, but just because he didn't want the stigma of everybody seeing him naked in public!
    As he got in his car to go to his job at the convenience store, he couldn't hope but hope that maybe he would run into Nancy again. She probably lived somewhere in the local area since her picture got uploaded to the Internet. But all he knew was what she looked like naked and that her first name was Nancy and nothing else. So unless he just happened to chance encounter her again he figured he was probably fresh out of luck.
    However every time he was parked at a red light he would look up and down the streets hoping to catch a glance of Nancy. She was starting to obsess his mind in perhaps an unhealthy way. Who was she? Why was she sentenced to being naked, as she certainly did not look like the criminal type? And why couldn't he stop picturing her sitting on the toilet, was it just because she had such a beautiful ass?
    He thought to himself that if he saw Nancy again would he be able to control himself and avoid trying to grope her? Of course the naked people, even if they were criminal, still had civil rights, and even though many people felt that the nudity was enticing people to harass them that was no excuse. People who sexually harassed them or assaulted them could risk ending up facing criminal charges themselves, and quite ironically finding themselves in a similar naked predicament.
    However he also knew that the law was rather biased. He knew that most of the people who were naked and would get sexually harassed or even groped or felt up would just sort of put up with it, and if they did try to level some kind of charge at the person who had harassed them they probably would end up getting away with things, which is what made it even more terrible to be forced to be a public nudist.
    "Hey buddy, spare some change," a naked man said as he came up to the window of Ronald's car.
    "Where would you even put it, you don't have any pockets," Ronald said as the light turned green and he quickly got out of there away from the awkward situation. It was not actually all that uncommon to be approached by naked people begging for change like that, as many of them were poor. Officially you couldn't discriminate against people because they were naked, but it was easy enough for people to discriminate against criminals, and being a criminal and being naked besides it often was a losing battle when it came to finding work.
    When Ronald finally got to his job at the convenience store, he couldn't help but look at the supermarket right next door hoping that maybe he would catch another glance of Nancy. That was actually probably unlikely if she had just gone grocery shopping the other day. But if that was her regular supermarket he might end up catching a glance of her once again if he was lucky.
    He wasn't exactly sure how he would approach the situation if he did happen to be that lucky. Would he just go up to her and ask for a date? Would she be intimidated by him because of the fact that she was naked? What exactly would he say to her? Hey, I remember seeing you naked in the store the other day; you're really hot, want to go back to my place? At least if she did say yes it would save time since she didn't have to get undressed!
    Ronald went to his station as the cashier at the convenience store, and it seemed as though it were a slow day. Numerous people came in and out of the store, but still no sign of Nancy.
    "This is all," a naked man said as he came up to Ronald putting down a couple of sixpacks of beer. The man looked rather disheveled, and Ronald thought that if you were going to be forced to be naked in public maybe you would want to take better care of your body, but apparently this man didn't get the message. He was quite unappealing to look at, and Ronald once again couldn't help but wonder which kind of crime that he had committed to find himself so afflicted. It looked as though he had a bunch of scars all over his body, so perhaps he had gotten into fights, maybe he was part of some fight club or something or a gang. He looked too old for that though.
    Ronald rang up the man's purchase without making much eye contact with him. He didn't want to seem like he was a bigot or rude or anything like that, but he had to admit the sight of some old scar covered naked man looking for some beer was certainly not the kind of thing that would make his day, he would much rather encounter somebody like his goddess Nancy.
    However just as he was thinking of that he saw a much lovelier sight, it wasn't quite Nancy, but it was a woman, and she was naked and not bad looking. She wasn't as good-looking as Nancy but she was still quite attractive, mesmerizing even.
    As the woman started going up and down the aisles Ronald couldn't help but stare at her ass going up and down as she walked, as though he had just been on the top of the Empire State Building and was looking through one of those machines where you put in a quarter and you look through the magnifying glass or whatever the hell it was.
    "Hey do you think you can ring this up already," an elderly fat woman said as she suddenly came up to the counter blocking Ronald's view of the perfect ass of the woman that he was staring at. "Hello, are you there?"
    "Oh sorry," Ronald said as this woman's sudden unappealing presence blocked his view of his naked goddess. He was quite glad that at least she was wearing clothing, as he wouldn't want to see her fat wrinkly body in the nude, as that would certainly kill an erection right away. Most people who'd see naked on a regular basis were the types you'd rather not see naked.
    "Well I guess it's me you're happy to see," the elderly woman said as Ronald couldn't hide the fact that he had an erection, which immediately embarrassed him. The thought that this ugly ass woman thought that he was getting turned on by her was enough to make him want to vomit.
    He quickly rang up her purchases and was glad when she was out of there. Of course she ended up taking her time, asking all these questions about whether they had a cheaper version of this, or whether this product was better than that one, and she didn't seem to feel that he was very helpful with his information.
    When the elderly woman had finally left Ronald started looking around the store, frantically hoping to find that naked woman that he had seen earlier. He didn't see any sight of her, but he figured she still had to be in the store somewhere.
    "Hey I've got a couple of these," the naked woman he was searching for said as she put down two six packs of beer.
    "A couple of these," Ronald said temporarily distracted by the fact that her breasts were perfectly at eye level with him.
    "Yeah they're boobs, I know, you can see them, big deal, never seen breasts before?" the woman said seemingly used to the fact that Ronald was staring. "My eyes are up here you know!"
    "Well you have a nice couple of them," Ronald said as the woman rolled her eyes.
    "I mean I have a couple of beers, and would you please ring them up quickly," she said pointing to the cans of beer and looking rather impatient.
    "Do you have ID?" Ronald asked.
    "Don't I look like I have the body of a 21-year-old at least," the woman said shaking her head. "You seem to be taking a pretty good look, so I figured that you must be the expert, are you going to tell me you're the federal booby inspector, like I haven't heard that one before?! And in case you are wondering why I am naked it's not by choice, I was a shoplifter, but don't worry I am not going to rob your store, as you can see that I don't have a weapon, and I certainly don't have any place to conceal anything on me, as I am not going to be shoving any of your fine products up my ass or snatch."
    "It's standard policy," Ronald said as she reached into her purse and threw the ID down on the counter, and he looked at it and smiled and nodded and handed it back to her, as she handed him the money and took her purchases and began walking out of the store, as Ronald continued staring at her ass.
    Immediately had to take a bathroom break to relieve himself in more than one sense of the word, he didn't know who that woman was, but damn! He could really get used to this new way of reforming criminals after all!

3
Ronald was eager to get off of work that day and was looking forward to the weekend. He had to admit that after seeing that woman with the nice breasts buy that beer from him he was actually in a pretty good mood, but now he was actually also in a really extremely horny mood, he felt that if he didn't get some action tonight he would go out of his mind.
    "Hey bro, what's happening," Carl said as he and Eric came over and high-fived Ronald.
    "Have you had any more sightings of our beautiful naked Nancy," Eric asked.
    Ronald shook his head. "No, I didn't see her come into my store, and I didn't see her come into the grocery store or any of the other stores nearby. Believe me I had been on the lookout, although I did find some interesting images they have of her on the Internet, but I still couldn't find out her real identity. I did actually see an interesting woman today, her ID said that her name was Chrissy Kelson, and man did she have some nice hooters! She seemed to have taken offense to the fact that I was staring at them but it's not like you can blame somebody for looking when you're buck naked like that. Apparently she was a shoplifter."
    "You better watch that she doesn't steal from your store," Carl said.
    "It sounds like she has already stolen your heart," Eric said as he started making all sorts of kissing motions and laughing.
    "Believe me guys, if you had seen her you would have been going out of your minds too, she wasn't quite as beautiful as Nancy, but she was certainly no dog, even if she did seem like she was a bit of a bitch," Ronald said as Eric and Carl laughed. "Anyway gentlemen I am pretty damn horny, so do you want to go down to the bar and see if there is anyone interesting around? Maybe we will run into Chrissy or Nancy or some other kind of naked woman."
    The three of them laughed but the truth was that the singles bar wasn't the scene where you saw a large number of naked women most of the time. Most people who were stuck being naked in public didn't want to hang around in a bar where they would be ogled by a bunch of horny single men. But it was a Friday night and they had to take their chances with what they could get.
    "You know with naked people walking around I feel that maybe the strip clubs are going to go out of business," Carl said as they arrived at the bar.
    "No, I don't think that strip clubs will ever go out of business," Eric said. "Most of the naked people are ugly ass men, only a few of them are women, and just getting an occasional glance of a woman on the street isn't the same as actually finding a stripper with a stripper body. The unfortunate truth is that most of the time the people you see naked are not the people you want to see naked."
    "Amen to that," Ronald said as they sat down at the bar and ordered some drinks. "Hey Eddie whatever happened to that really hot girl you had working here?"
    Eddie shook his head. "Unfortunately she had some legal trouble and –"
    "Naked?" Ronald asked as Eddie nodded his head.
    "I told her that being naked would probably get her a lot more tips and everything like that, but she said it was hard enough being a bartender in a bar with lots of horny single man, she felt she couldn't handle being at work naked all the time, I don't know what job she is going to get now, but I can guarantee that she would have been an excellent bartender," Eddie said. "I think that she would have had a lot of men coming here and drinking themselves stupid."
    "Have you had any hot women in today?" Eric asked.
    "We had a couple of lookers but no naked ones, which I actually don't mind as because as much as I like seeing naked women in my bar I don't want this place to get a reputation for being a hangout for criminals," Eddie said.
    "Well I think if you had a lot of hot naked women at the bar people wouldn't care about the reputation, a lot of people would come here to see hot naked criminals," Carl said.
    "Cheers to that," Ronald said as the three of them clinked their glasses together and took a sip of their beer.
    "Who's that guy," Eric said pointing to a guy in the back who was standing there naked surrounded by a bunch of fairly attractive women.
    "I don't know, but he seems to be attracting a lot of women to him," Eddie said. "You know I'm not going to discriminate against people, and he seems to be bringing in lots of female attention to the bar."
    "It doesn't look like he's extremely attractive or anything, not that I find men attractive or anything like that," Ronald said.
    "Oh no, cause it seems like you're staring at his junk right now," Eric said as he and Carl began laughing as Ronald scowled at them. "Hey dude we were just joking around, don't take it personally."
    "I am just wondering how a guy who isn't like a physically fit body builder Adonis type manages to get all of those women crowding around him like that," Ronald said.
    "Well a lot of women like a bad boy, and maybe the fact that he's probably a criminal is kind of attractive to them, or maybe women are not that much different from men, maybe they see a naked member of the opposite sex and can't help but want to be around them like that," Carl said.
    "Do you want to go talk to him?" Eric asked.
    "No, I don't really feel like talking to some type of crazy naked guy, even if it does seem like all of the women are crowding around him," Ronald said shaking his head. "I just don't see what he has that we don't."
    "Why don't you get naked and find out," Eric said as he laughed.
    "Dude, gay, you want to see Ron naked?" Carl said.
    "No I don't think I will be getting naked," Ronald said. "I just kind of am curious as to what that guy is doing differently than us, I mean other than getting naked."
    "Maybe that really is the secret, you may not be super attractive or anything like that, but naked is naked and plenty of women will like being around a naked guy," Eric said.
    "You know some women like guys who are not so uptight, who are willing to open up and be vulnerable like that," Andrea said suddenly butting into the conversation.
    "Where did you come from?" Carl asked.
    "You guys are always hanging out at this bar, and you never seem to be having all that much luck," Andrea said. "I saw you guys over here and couldn't help but overhear your conversation. You know you guys spend so much time trying to get us out of our clothing that you never really think about taking it off yourself."
    "So you find that guy attractive," Eric said pointing at the naked man as all of the women seemed to be still gathering around him.
    "He's about average I guess," Andrea said. "But the fact is he's not afraid to be naked in public like that. He isn't walking with his head down in shame, and that takes guts, it takes confidence, it takes a real man to be able to let himself be exposed like that, and not in a creepy perverted way."
    "Maybe he's a recreational nudist, we shouldn't automatically that just because he's naked means he's a criminal," Eric said. "Most people won't get naked in public because of that stigma but it's possible that he could very well be doing it out of choice."
    "Well you boys, if you guys want to find out I guess you are going to have to go over there and talk to him," Andrea said as she put her arms around them before patting them on the back and laughing.
    The three of them looked over at the guy in the corner as all of the women seemed to still be crowding around him and really enjoying him.
    "He must have some secret that we don't," Ronald said.
    "Well if you guys aren't going to go over to him I think that I will," Andrea said as she started walking over in that direction.
    "Maybe she isn't a lesbian after all," Ronald said as the three of them watched as Andrea sort of went over to the man and seemed to be chatting him up and laughing.
    "I wonder what they are talking about," Eric said.
    "I mean I guess we could go over there, would that be weird," Carl said.
    "I mean just talking to a naked guy doesn't make us gay," Ronald said.
    Reluctantly the three of them got up and started going over towards the guy who seemed to be having a lot of good laughs with Andrea.
    "Well guys, it's so nice to see that you decided to join us, this here is Leonardo," Andrea said as Leonardo stuck out his hand and the three of them sort of awkwardly shook his hand. "The guys here are kind of wondering how you are getting all of the ladies."
    "Is that so," Leonardo said as he laughed and took a drink of his beer. "You guys want to know the secret of my animal magnetism and my relentless machismo, and you are probably looking at me and thinking that I have an average body."
    "We aren't thinking of you in that way at all," Eric said, looking uncomfortable.
    "Don't mind them, they're incredibly homophobic, so this is a big step for them," Andrea said as she laughed, and she could see that the guys really were looking rather uncomfortable standing there in front of Leonardo with his junk hanging out like that.
    "Hey there's nothing wrong with that," Leonardo said. "Whatever floats your boat, men, women, I don't judge. Personally I don't get any buzz being seen naked by a bunch of guys either, so I get where you are coming from on that. But you probably see me over here as a naked guy with all of these women surrounding me and you want to know what the big secret is."
    "Kind of," Ronald said. "Is it just the fact that you are naked, or is it because you are a criminal?"
    "I'm actually not a criminal, or at least my criminal sentence is up," Leonardo said. "But it was being a minor criminal that sort of made me realize this is an interesting lifestyle."
    "Wait, so you mean getting accused of a crime or being convicted of a crime and being rendered naked made you realize that you like it, that you are a nudist?" Carl asked.
    "Something like that," Leonardo said. "You see I got in trouble for drunk and disorderly conduct and drunk driving. Luckily I didn't hit anybody or get in any major trouble or do anything horrible like that, but I got sentenced to a brief stretch of time being naked, and at first it was honestly humiliating. Everywhere I would go people would be staring at me, naturally assuming that I am a criminal, in fact women would frequently whistle and laugh at me, and I have to admit it was something that I was totally not used to. But the strange thing was as I did get used to it there was a strange feeling of liberation, the fact that people weren't judging me based on what I wear, that people were just giving me attention for the fact that I was naked. And once I realized that it was no big deal I think that people thought that it was cool that I was cool with it, dig what I am saying? And after my sentence was finally up I decided to do it voluntarily. Of course I still wear clothing when I am at work and with family and other situations like that, but when I am just chilling at the bar like this it feels pretty good to just take it all off!"
    "See, it's like I told you guys, women like a man who is willing to make himself vulnerable and open up," Andrea said. "It's a really attractive quality."
    "Some of us also like to see the full Monty," another woman said walking by and laughing.
    "And there's just a lot of women out there who kind of like the thrill of having a naked guy on their arm, and I am more than happy to fill that role," Leonardo said as he put his arm around Andrea.
    "Maybe you guys would get some women if you got naked," Andrea said as the three guys looked at each other awkwardly shaking their heads. "See you guys aren't willing to be bold and do something daring and thrilling and exciting. You will go to such great lengths to see a little bit of skin exposed on a woman, and yet the thought of you exposing your own skin in a bar is a step too far for you guys. But hey whatever, whatever strategy works for you, I just know that Leonardo and I, well I think we're going to go home together tonight, so I wish you luck for the rest of your evening, naked, dressed, whatever!"
    As they watched Andrea stroll out of the bar with Leonardo on her arm, looking quite happy and quite pleased, and not the least bit embarrassed at the fact that a fully dressed woman was escorting him around like a piece of meat.
    "Maybe we can learn something from that guy," Carl said.
    "What are you suggesting, that we all get naked and hope that all of the women started gathering around us?" Eric said.
    "Nah," the three of them all said laughing and shaking their heads and looking all awkward, but as they saw Andrea was the only one of them that was walking out of there that night with a date they couldn't help but think that maybe, just maybe they were doing something wrong after all.